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obdurate-types whine and pule about their alleged "right" to smoke reefer. At first glance, this may seem harmless and almost quaint -- in a 60s sort of a way. But when you think about it further, you'll honestly conclude that they don't call marijuana the "Evil Weed" for nothing. And let's not forget our impressionable youth, which is the primary reason why we need to eradicate this treacherous herb by demanding that the Canadianist government establish a "Reefer-Free" buffer zone of -- at the very least -- a 1,000 miles (1,609.3 km) from America's northern border, post haste!

Even if the befuddled Canadianist government -- not wishing to display any form of moral backbone -- turns the other cheek and says "Cannabis in its various forms is, at its very worst, innocuous -- and may even have some medicinal value," America must not fall victim to Canadianist's tall tales. We must stand up to these mindless maplejacks, look them straight in the eye and say "Poppycock!" We must let Canadianists know that we know that they're telling us nothing more than lies -- perpetuated mostly by unsanitary, traitorous, pot smoking, expatriated hippies, who swarmed north to Canada's open, pinko-loving arms during the Godly Vietnam war (rather than fulfill their obligation on the battlefield, as any real God-fearing, True American would). If you don't believe me, just it up: It will amaze you. It will take your breath away. And it will convince you that our unpropitious neighbor-to-the-North will soon be governed by dirty, sex-crazed pot-smokers.