It was with some distress that I was informed by my freshly-esteemed colleague Dr Fennel that the entire funds of our Ministry have been outrageously purloined by previously respected colleagues at the TCU Tribunal. Wealth is an obvious sign of God's favor, and I consider this loss of riches to be directly and irrevocable entwined with the slowly degrading adherence to Biblical Law (King James Version 1611 ONLY) by a number of former True Christians. There is no point beating our breasts and bewailing the Injustice of collective punishment for individual crimes, for is the Bible not full of such occurrences? Questioning God's Method will merely antagonize Him further and create greater ills to the TC Community; however, accepting our poverty is neither Christian nor American. The loss of funds was the Just punishment, our continuing poverty is merely the result of Slothfulness. It is imperative that we undertake urgent measures to recover our fortunes, and is with this in mind that I wish to open a debate on the most effective and appropriate means of doing so.
To my finely tuned mind, there are a number of options, including but not limited to:
1) Hunt down the erring members of the TCU Tribunal and recover said funds. As they are skulking in a foreign country, this would require subtlety, diplomacy, skill and teamwork.
2) Earnest Prayer.
3) Cunning manipulation of the stock market
Discuss, Brethren, and let us recover our fortunes and once again retake our place as rightful Leaders of the Godly US of A!